I’ve got my company Christmas party tonight, and I can’t help but imagine getting one of those talks the following morning like you see on those TV ads..
‘You’ve got to stop bringing your friends to the office parties. “Obnoxious” Rose, “let’s take off our pants” Rose, “I don’t like any of you” Rose..’
So I am going in to this year’s Christmas party well researched on what appropriate office party etiquette is.
According to a study at the University of Birmingham, alcohol causes disinhibiting effects (well, duh). The study also says that we are more likely to act silly drinking in an environment which we only associate with work as well as with people who we don’t usually drink with.
It is recommended that you:
Eat dinner.
Do not do shots.
Wear ugly underwear so you do not want take off your clothes.
Match every alcoholic drink with a glass of water.
Do not tell your colleagues what you really think of them.
Do not decide that you are worthy of making a speech, and that it would be good to start crying during that speech for an emotional effect.
Go home when things start looking fuzzy, and/or you are beginning to find your boss attractive.
And whatever you do, do not call in sick the next day with “food poisoning” – they will see right through this lie, and it is your professional obligation to turn up to work on time and work your hung-over butt off to prove the company wrong.
If you are a little bit ill the next day, have a shower, wash your hair, cover yourself in perfume, brush your teeth, put on some lipstick and GRIN AND BARE IT.
Follow these rules with me, and you too might have the joy of NOT finding photocopies of your ‘unspeakables’ plastered all over your pin board the next day.
Wish me luck!